And You say I'm Weird!

Every once in awhile I'll look at my stat counter to see what key words people use when they find my blog. Obviously the majority of the hits include the a form of "Short Bus" or "Short Bus Jokes". But sometimes I wonder how some of these keywords point people to my blog....especially searches for Penis shower cakes, really what the hell is a penis shower cake? Is it cake you eat in a shower or is it cake for a bachelorette party? And what about this one "stinky coke whore"....I seriously don't ever remember making any such reference in the past...wait maybe someone called me a stinky coke whore and linked to my blog? Oh well thanks for the backlink bitches. But the one that I really can't figure out is "irish nipples"....Comeon who seaches for irish nipples? Evidently someone in Missouri has a weird fetish!

Conversation Fail

I witness a variety of umm let's say unique conversations during the two minutes it takes me to take attendance each class period .....today was no exception .........

Student enters classroom late....
Jadded Teacher: Do you have a pass Jenny?
Jenny : No I'm just late
Jadded Teacher: I'll have to mark you tardy
Jenny: (looking dishoveled ) Whatever
Jimmy: Jenny you look like you just snorted some cocaine
Jenny: I don't snort.....well except for that Flaming Hot Cheetos that one time, but that doesn't count
Jadded Teacher: Hense the adjectives "Flaming and Hot", probably wasn't the smartest move
Jimmy:  I snorted Kool Aide once
Jadded Teacher: (rolling eyes) that explains a lot
Jimmy: Well I also licked the sand while on vacation once too , what does that explain?
Jadded Teacher:  more than you can imagine Jimmy.....more than you can imagine.

I digress

Really?

It seems like everyone is having babies, have a few friends that are expecting which is awesome..but let's hope their baby shower planners don't hire any of the baker's of these cakes.....it's just creepy

A little Help from a friend called Celexa

Update: I was able to get my therapist to call in a percription refill for me, and let me tell you I can't wait to pick it up.....I'm just so sick of being pissed off at the world.....pissed at my financial situation, pay cuts, cutbacks, grocery prices that are outrageous, gas over $3 a gallon, that every little thing that comes out of everyone's mouth irritates the living shit out of me..........that the only person I feel I can talk to charges me $125 an hour to be on my side. But mostly pissed that I'm not able to feel normal without taking drugs. Ok going to have a good cry now, It'll all be good by morning. I hope.

Grow some balls would ya

Ok so I'm at home today enjoying a much needed day off due to the foot of snow outside my door...and well I can't say I've done a damn productive thing today except watch a few movies and some tv.

I do have to say that while enjoying my TV coma I ran across one of the more disturbing  and annoying shows ever produced. So as I sat in a vegetative state on my couch watching Toddlers in Tierra's, I immediately  felt a rollercoaster of emotions. At first I was simply annoyed at the bratty attitudes of these 3 and 4 year olds who seemed to be throwing temper tantrums every thirty seconds. But then of course I realized that these kids are just a product of their environment. These parents are a bunch of fuck nuts who think their kids are all that. It's no wonder they walk around thinking their pulls ups don't stink when they have their parents dressing them up in completely age inappropriate costumes, choreographing pole dance routines, spray tanning their bodies and applying so much makeup they put Jon Bonet Ramsey to shame.

But the most disturbing part of this show are the dad's. Seriously what kind of a guy spends his free time sewing glitzzie costumes for their daughters, and choreographing their "talent" portion of the competition. All I want to know is exactly how far north do your nuts have to retreat that you would consider not only becoming involved in such fucked up shenanigans, but to also agree to have said balless antics televised on national television? Like I said WTF

Well Fuck a Duck,,,,

As my therapist says….. I think I am amusing and am under the illusion that anyone might be slightly entertained by what I have to say….thank you for enabling my delusions and read on……

Sound familiar? Yeah cuz it's my fucking "about me" quote that some paralegal biatch is using on her blog. Seriously the ABOUT ME is supposed to be about You not about ME! Ok I gotta admit that her line (read below) about getting getting spam that will make  her sweedish boyfriend's cock bigger is kinda funny, but what the fuck get your own damn lines bitch. Do you hear me stomping my feet right now? 

I got a better idea..........spam her fucking inbox about how completely unoriginal her lame ass is PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!

Oh and I love her last line. .......And ,yes, you are right.  I am indeed the most interesting person you have never met!  Apparently NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FAIL!

The rest of her bullshit About Me description Fail

I blog to get more narcissism in my diet. Apparently, it’s something my body can’t get enough of. Like Cheetos. Or Riboflavin.

You can contact me at paralegal@paralegalhell.com – All spam is accepted, especially if you want to make my handsome Swedish boyfriend’s penis bigger, or if I give you my life savings, you will give me the millions promised in your unsolicited mail.  Failing that, drop me an email saying hello and mention how completely awesome I am.

And ,yes, you are right.  I am indeed the most interesting person you have never met!

Oh For Pete's Sake

Guess what? It's fucking snowing out....again, and this time the weather god's are saying it's a fucking blizzard coming my way. Look I'm tired of the snow ok, enough! For God's sake Spring Training starts in like a week, hell the season opens in 2 months..........COME ON! Hell, maybe I'll get a snow day or two, seems we'll be getting like a foot of snow. I digress...