Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Wordless Wednesday

Ok this is funny, I don't care who you are.....and no I wasn't surfing for porn when I found it! That's my story and I'm sticking to it...

Monday, August 24, 2009

FML Monday

So this is my last full week of summer break, which as if that isn't depressing enough, I have a cold that is kicking my ass.

No, not just some typical summer sniffles cold but a head banging headache, sneezing every two minutes, hacking up a lung fucking cold. Yeah just the way I want to spend my last week of vacation. All I can say if Fuck my life!

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Secret Sunday

I did a Sunday Secret post on my other blog and it was needless to say quite eye opening. On that single post dark secrets and skeletons were revealed in anonymity. My reaction to the post was a mixed bag of feelings, sadness for the bearers of the secrets but also a sense of strange honor that the secrets were shared with me and my readers.

So I thought I'd try it again, and of course I will contribute also, remember to post your comment anonymously

Wednesday, August 5, 2009


In a few short weeks I will be back to the grind, that's right back to school. I have a few posts to put up in the next few weeks but until I get those up I thought I'd do a few "Best of--Teaching" posts from my old blog for all my new followers to sit back and enjoy..........

Although I love my job most days, some days I get so annoyed with these kids. So I came into work this morning to find that one of my students decided to take the phonic cards that I keep in a pocket chart on my chalkboard, and spell out the lovely word “FUCK”.

Isn’t that sweet you can spell the word fuck…… you know sometimes I just want to go off on these kids. And honestly if I could have had one wish today it would have been to be able to say whatever I wanted to them without any professional repercussions. Now if I lived in a perfect world and was granted that little wish this is what I would have said in response to their little antics.

Nice….I see you can spell the word fuck…but let’s take this teachable moment one step further and learn how to use it correctly in a sentence you little fuckheads! Oh see, I just used a derivative of the word fuck to describe you little shits.

Ok take out a piece of paper and a pencil butheads and prepare to learn something.. let me break this down for you punks….First of all the word “Fuck” can fall into several grammatical categories…in other words it’s versatile and has many meanings.

It can be used as a transitive verb such as “Jimmy fucked Janie”, and also as an intransitive verb as in “Jimmy and Jane fucked”. It can also be used in the form of an active verb “Tommy fucked Mary” or a passive verb…. “Tommy got fucked over by Mary”
Ok moving onto some more advanced uses of the word “fuck”, let’s try using it as an adverb, “You kids talk to fucking much in class” or as an adjective “Anderson Cooper is a fucking hottie”…oops sorry It’s just hard for me not to think of the word fuck without him popping up in my mind….Ok back on task….

So I can tell by the blank looks on your faces that this lesson is going over your fucking heads so let’s water it down a bit for you Einsteins and give you some real world examples that you can use without having to diagram sentences to get the meaning.

For example the next time you are confused about a question on one of your assignments instead of raising your hand to ask for help simply blurt out “I don’t fucking get what this question is asking.”

Or how about when I ask you to stop talking and get to work you could show your refusal by stating ….."Oh Fuck Off", that’d be a sweet use of the word.
Then when I tell you stop using foul language in the classroom you respond with a statement of denial “I didn’t fucking do it” I respond I am not deaf, I heard you, and you express your apathy by replying “Who gives a fuck”. That’s when I say you’ll give a fuck when you are sitting in front of the fucking principal with a fucking discipline in your hand….you then resign to the fact that your ass is busted and respond “oh Fuck it” and on your way out the door to the office whine in despair, “Once again I am Fucked over by the Man” I simply grin and say, “That’s what you get for daring to fucking swear in my fucking classroom you fucktard.”

Or you all could just quit fucking spelling the word “FUCK” on my board and sit in your fucking seats and fucking humor me and fucking perpetuate the illusion that I am actually fucking teaching you something….and that you are actually willingly learning something….that would be absofuckinglutely wonderful.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Ok that is just Wrong......

I jumped on the computer tonight to check the MLB standings after my boys disappointing weekend...ugh. No worries though they still have a game and half lead in first place.

Unfortunately once I clicked on the MLB tab I found something more disturbing than the fact that my boys asses were whipped by a team that had just traded a majority of it's star players this week.

As toilsome as that is, this is even more so. Yes it is what you think, a disgusting hairy male arm pit with chucks of deodorant debris hanging from it. Seriously dudes the whole premise of deodorant is that it has to make contact with the skin in order for it to work. So in order for that to occur you gotta do some manscaping of some of that "Chewbacca"ness going on in your pits.

Guys do yourselves a favor, trim that fur back and you won't have to fall under the pressure of the advertising world trying to convince you that you need some specially formulated pit stick. This has been a public service announcement.