Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Man, what the hell!

How is it possible for my yard and every other house on my block smell like ass. Seriously I stepped outside and I swear it smelled like someone dumped an entire semi-truck full of cow shit in the middle of my neighborhood and drove away. How the hell does this happen and where the fuck is that smell coming from. Excuse me while I go heave my guts out from this putrid god awefull smell! Damn that shit stinks

Sunday, August 29, 2010

You're Warned Bitch

Stella James if you don't quit fucking spamming my blog and dropping your stupid ass links I am going to hunt you you down and kick your fucking assssssssss!!!!!!!!

Saturday, August 28, 2010

You know you are going to hell right?

There's a special place in hell for people who send this shit to me............

From: James Bradley
Reply to: jamesbradley.sydney@w.cn

Hi, my name is James Bradley, from Sydney Australia. I am sending you this email from the confines of my hospital room, I have been diagnosed to be suffering from a rare form of cancer known as Esophageal Cancer, to my greatest bewilderment; my doctor says me that I have only a few months to live due to the terminal illness. The news was so devastating to me, that I decided to stay within the confinement of my hospital room and live out my last days on earth quietly. I asked that my hospital room be equipped with a laptop so that I can take care of some outstanding issues. One of which is my desire to donate a sizable amount of money to cancer research institutes and other deserving charity organizations. I wish that you receive the funds, and assist me in disbursing the funds to cancer research institutes and other deserving charity organizations. Please, don’t mind the time taken from your busy schedule to work with me on this sole act of charity, because you will surely be compensated.

Indicate your wiliness to assist me by sending an email to my private email box (jamesbradley.sydney@w.cn) by doing so I will be able to send you more details.
Kind Regards,
James Bradley

Seriously I just want to kick people like this in the ass. I hate them almost as much as the assholes that leave spam comments on my blog, your asses are next mother fuckers!

Friday, August 27, 2010

Why didn't someone think of this before?

Sometimes you run across a company that offers a service and you wonder why the heck didn't someone think of this before, that's exactly what my thoughts were when I ran accross Createamattress.com. If you've ever suffered from a bad back you'd know how freaking cool it is to think you can design your own mattress.

Yes custom make your own mattress, from the type of materials, softness, firmness etc. It's a big deal if you suffer from arthritis, allergies, or just need a mattress that's made to your needs and not that of everyone else in the world. The nice thing about these made to order mattresses is that they are comparable in quality to all those national brands out there at a considerable mattress discount. You could easily  save 20-40 % off the prices you see in department stores...imagine that queen size memory foam mattress made to your specification and discounted to boot. Freaking Fabulous idea if you ask me.

It's Friday Bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A little "funny" to kick off your Friday........................

Friday, August 20, 2010

Weird things about me ......part 1 because you know there is a wealth of material on this subject

I hate chocolate Ice cream, detest it, especially if it a really dark chocolate....don't know why but I do. A half gallon of that shit will get freezer burned before I eat it.

I so really want to join an adult dodge ball team but I never had fast enough dodging skills and always was decked square up side the head in the first freaking round, falling on the floor like a chicken with it;s head chopped off, only to be sent to the sideline to nurse a severe concussion.

But by far I think the strangest thing I think I do is that I often carry on conversations with people in my head. Sometimes it's repeating a conversation I had earlier, but it goes the way I wanted it to go (like I get to use the snappy comeback I thought up hours later). Sometimes it's in preparation for a conversation I'm going to have, practicing what I'm going to say. But usually it's just me talking to random people about random things that happen to be on my mind. This is fine, except when I get really into my imaginary conversation and start using facial expressions and gestures, which invariably carry over into the Real World. This is worst when I'm having an imaginary conversation in Spanish, because my limited vocabulary in that language has always left me to resort to gestures and dramatic facial expressions in order to get my point across. Sometimes I walk down the street by myself and suddenly discover I'm rolling my eyes or sneering at strangers. Never mind! I'm just having conversations with the voices in my head! Nothing to see here!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Cooking Asshole needs No Reservations

I've been blogging for a couple of years now, and along the way I've found some great blogs, and some awesomely fantastic writers that make me completely envious. But I'm a realist, I know when it comes to blogging I am completely on the D list, and I tend to gravitate toward blogs and bloggers that aren't afraid to blog what they want, no matter who it may offend, and in the process although they rank above me in many ways they're not considered by the mainstream as blogging all stars. I know fuck them right?

So when one of my fellow blogger bugs get some recognition I'm the first to say Hellz yeah!. Cooking for Assholes is kick ass site for all you wanna be cooks out there. But don't take my word for it, just as Anthony Bourdain. In a recent interview Bourdain was asked if he read any blogs and replied "Cooking For Assholes is wonderful – that’s a really great one."

That's right Anthony Fucking Bourdain said Cooking for Assholes was wonderful! So give some props to my little monkey friend and tell him congrat! Now if I could just get Anderson Cooper to make a non inflammatory remark about The Short Bus!

Friday, August 13, 2010

I admit it ..........I'm a sucker

I think I've mentioned that I got a dog last summer, and being a animal control misfit on death row she has turned out to be a good addition to the family. Now when I got my dog I had no idea if she was house broken, so I was kinda relieved that she seemed to at least be sort of housebroken, in the fact that she'd go when I let her out. Of course there were a few accidents in the the first few weeks I had her but that quickly ran it's course.

Now because I am constantly being proactive about the dog not getting in the habit of shitting or pissing in the house I let her out at a minimum 10 times a day. And I know this may seem weird but I know when that dog is sitting by the door wanting out even if I'm in another room, it's sort of doggie, owner ESP....well it might have to do with the fact that she constantly follows me around the house so if she's not under foot she's probably sitting next to the door wanting out.

So one night I'm in living room and I hear the dog whining at the door, usually she doesn't whine to go bout but I figured hell she must really have to go, so I get up and open the door only for her to just sit there and stare at me. What the fuck? do you want out or not?

So I go back to my business, get my ass all comfortable on the couch only to hear that damn dog at the door again....get my ass up again and open the door, still she doesn't budge just sits there looking at me with those big brown eyes thinking "why the hell can't you figure out what I want bitch"

At this point I'm getting pissed off, and go sit back down only to be drug back to the door because now she's scratching at the floor.........only this time I check her food and water, maybe she's thirsty....nope, filled to the brim, open the door....nope don't need to go out......so I stand there and just stare at her. What do you want dog??????????

Then I thought, maybe she wants a treat, so I grab a milk-bone and tell her to piss off and leave me alone.......But no sooner than a half hour later that little shit was up to the same thing.......go to the door, whine, refuse to go out....and stare at the container with the dog treats until I give her one. My dog is seriously trying to manipulate me for milk-bones. Just when I thought she was this sweet innocent little creature she played me! Ugh ! What the hell is my life coming to when my dog can con me out of doggie treats! I digress

Sunday, August 1, 2010

There is 3 sides to a story.....and then there's the truth

 I origionally wrote this post with out using the real names of the indivuals involved and then I said Fuck IT......

So I was hanging out one night on the forum at my favorite social network when I noticed a comment that my web nemesis posted. Essentially she was making a statement/question involving  Tony the owner of the network and another blogger -- Jon that was banned from that forum.  Now normally I wouldn't blink twice at the shit she writes, but this comment essentially insinuated that Jon physically assaulted Tony..

Now being in a unique position of knowing both of these individuals, the comment bothered me on several levels. One that someone I know would be capable of doing such a thing, two, that the individual allegedly assaulted would have anything to do with this person  ....and thirdly...I smelled an overwhelming aroma of bullshit. So I asked for the link to the video she claimed that Tony said he was assaulted, and after a some time of her hemming and hawing she finally gave it to me. 

Considering the source, I decided to do some homework...If my nemesis hadn't insisted that it was true and that she had confirmation I'd probably had left it alone at this point.......hell who am I kidding, no I wouldn't have. Maybe it was her blatant superiority that pissed me off...... or maybe it was just my need to call her out on her bullshit......

So I left messages for Tony, and called Jon on the phone. Jon said the incident never happened, and that he hadn't even met Tony in person until the week before, which I found very interesting considering that the video she sent me was more than several months old,  so OBVIOUSLY Tony wasn't referring to the John she was talking about. But to be fair I waited for a response from Tony....a day or two later he responded with an answer........"No, Never" .....some simple investigating anyone could have done...............

So I informed my web nemesis of the information I gleaned and her response was that because Tony didn't respond to her original comment she ASSumed that she was correct. Really? Since when are assumptions the truth? What a crock of shit, and a lame ass excuse.  

But the one thing I think that pissed me off the most was her friendly advice that if I blogged about this that I would be threatening her and it would "blow up in my face".  Hummm not sure about how telling the truth could be threatening to her, the only thing threatening is the fact that her bullshit was exposed, and the only thing blowing up  is her shit in her face.  Moral of the story, don't be an ass.

That's all I got to say bout' that.