Friday, December 24, 2010

From me to You

Presents are wrapped, baking is done.....ahhh time to relax.
Wishing all of my readers A Very Merry Christmas......
Oh and if you want to indulge yourself with a little celebratory drinkie drink, try a dirty girl scout........ yum

Merry Stinky Christmas

I've always got thee running monologues going on in my head especially when I'm waiting in line at the store. Yesterday was no exception......Being the dumb ass I am I had to get the last of my shopping done, so I place that last item into my cart and head to the check out. Of course like any retailer at Christmas time there are always too many people in line and not enough cashiers...so I wait.

Just as I hit the 10 minute wait time, I start to smell something a little odoriferous. Within seconds my brain registers that skanky smell and I'm overwhelmed by it's putrid aroma. Is that me?....Considering I haven't taken a shit nor farted in the past 10 hours it sure as hell wasn't me.

Reluctantly taking another whiff I figure out the smell is coming somewhere in front of me....that's when I see the possible master of funk in front of me in one of those motorized scooter carts. Just when I was giving the old man the benefit of the doubt all bets were off when I noticed as he bent forward to unload his basket that he had some Hershey squirt-age coming out the back of his depends.

What the fuck, dude shit himself while riding around Walmart and just sat in that shit an stunk up the whole joint for the rest of us. Seriously I'm beginning to gag...where the hell is is the fabreeze when you need it....hell there's always fabreeze at the check out, or at least those pine tree air fresheners you hang in the car, I could just wear the thing around my neck till I get out of this stink hole...WHERE the Fuck is the Fabreeze!!!!!!!!!!! Ughhhhhhhhhh!!!

Needless to say there was none to be found and I had to suffer through that retched stink but at least I didn't have to detoxify that scooter....Merry stinky Christmas you poor bastard! HAH! Oh and people if I ever get to the point where I am riding around walmart in a scooter with a diaper full of shit....just ride me out back and shoot me on site.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

How Many Days till Break?

Ahh Test days. they are supposed to be easy days, you know hand out the test, catch up on putting my grades in the computer, return a few emails etc. But NO! not when you're the SPED Teacher, nothings ordinary or predictable.

Point in case-my Science class, just as I get everyone settled down and working on their test. I hear 'turd boy' (so fondly nicknamed because he's always asking to go to the bathroom after lunch because he's "turdleing") ripping a piece of paper out of his notebook, scribbling something on it and tossing it across the room at another student.

At this point I tell him to bring me the note, at which point he ties to slide his chair across the floor to retrieve the note only to fall backwards and land feet in the air on the floor. Seizing the moment I attempt to confiscate the note before he can gather his lameass up off the floor, but where's there's a will there's a way. That little shit head started crawling across the floor lie a marine crawling through a trench with barbed wire and grabbed the note before me. Now at this point to should have been a simple "give me the note or you'll be written up for disturbing class during a test": But NO as in usual short bus fashion this kid crumbles up the note shoves it into his mouth and began chewing.

Great, now I have to deal with this? Ok, spit it paper out before you fall off your chair and your parents sue me for allowing you to stupidly compromise your air way.

Needless to say with a few more minutes of threatening and reminding him he wasn't two years old the paper was in the garbage and finally everyone was taking the test.Hell I wonder why I am exhausted at the end of the day, it's like I am teaching Kindergarten all over again. No I take that back I think Kindergartners are more well behaved. Thank God Just 2 more days to Christmas Break, For the Love of God I need it!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

WTF?

So I was doing a little last minute online Christmas shopping and found this on Overstock.com's front page

I guess they are just making it easy for Daddy to shop for both himself and little Jr at the same time .....tee hee
click to enlarge

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Politically Correct can Kiss My Ass

So I was running off progress reports recently and came to the section where the teacher can add comments on the student progress. Typically they are the standard
Student could do better work, missing work, daily work incomplete...you get the idea.

So I get to this one student and the only comment that truly describes this student is "Student lacks motivation to complete daily assignments" but what I really want to say to the parent is that your kid needs to lay off the ganja before getting on the school bus, because it is totally interfering with his ability to complete even the simplest direction such as writing his name on his paper.In other words he can't afford to lose any more brain cells ......in face he's in need of an emergency transfusion of some smartness as we speak.

Oh and just one more thing you might want to consider another line of work....seems your current occupation as a medical mary jane grower isn't exactly helping the situation douche bag.....just saying.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Back that Ass Up....and I don't mean that in a good way

Ok time for a gripe, what the hell is it with these people who don't know how to honor the personal space rule? I can't stand it when I'm at the grocery store and some jackass behind me finds the need to ride my ass while they are waiting their turn in line.

Seriously do you have to breath down my damn neck when I'm trying to swipe my debit card, just because you are up in my grill doesn't mean I'm going to get out of your way any faster asshole. So go fuck yourself.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Sad but True....Laugh your Ass OFF !!!!

Dear Neighbor in Warren -

I'm not gonna shovel out the walk, so you might as well call me in now.

I work 12-14 hour days. My wife left almost a year ago to go relive her college days (she's fucking the third or fourth in a line of grad students at the U of M, from what I hear) and saddled me with the mortgage and car payment. The dog now hates me because he's cooped up in one room all day long when he used to be home with the wife (too busy doing yoga to stay limber for the college studs to get a job when we were together) and could go outside or at least have run of the house all day.

Thanks for the dirty look when I saw you out walking YOUR unleashed shit-machine-on-four-legs this morning. Must be a bitch to be shins deep in the snow while your dog clamors into my yard to leave a steamer in the drift. Noticed you didn't have a bag with you and kind of caught the way you just kept on walking without picking up Rover's turds as I rolled up the hill towards another hourlong commute.

Hey, asshole. Guess what? I'm not an independent consultant or whatever the fuck it is you told me your job is when I was checking out your wife's ass at the neighborhood picnic this Summer. I'm a sales manager. I get up early, go to the office, slug it out listening to salespeople tell me that our customers won't buy our services in this economy (or as I call it, 'whining about shit that's really not my problem') until well after you've had your supper, and typically make it home about the time you're settling in to watch Real Housewives of Orange County or whatever closet cocksucker show you watch after you put little Peyton and Jacinda to bed.

I'm beat when I get home. I eat a sandwich, pet the dog a little, sort the mail, and wish my wife wasn't a cum guzzling whore for a Carlson School of Management's Spring '09 MBA candidates, each of whom is gonna finish fucking my wife, defend a dissertation, get offered a job without having to make a meaningful search, and earn six times more money at age 22 with no experience than I am at age 40 with a BS in marketing and 18 years never once having missed quota for base-plus-ten-percent.

The LAST thing on my mind in these moments of lamentation is putting on the Carhartts and shoveling out the sidewalk when it's -15�. I gotta get up in six hours and get back to the office. I work for a living, and to tell you the truth, when you called the City to complain earlier this year about snow on the sidewalk and I got the $30 WSB invoice from the City for them to come by with their brush-blower, I happily paid it. It was worth the $30 to not have to go out and stand in the wind for 30 minutes.

So this is your fair warning, oh neighbor of mine...might as well call me in now, because it ain't getting any warmer the rest of this week, my job ain't getting any less demanding, and as far as I know, my wife has every intention of continuing to let the next generation of useless MBAs keep screwing her spit-lubricated ass. Which means I have the perfect combination of prohibitive temperatures, discretionary income, and anger at humanity in general to keep paying the city to clear the sidewalk in from of my house well into Spring.

More snow on the way!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

I knew this day would come.........

OMG look who is following me on Twitter.........My man Anderson, I knew he'd come to his senses and lift that restraining order eventually.....
Ok, I know it's not the REAL Anderson, but hell let a girl have her fantasy!

Sunday, November 28, 2010

You've got to be kidding me!!!!!!!

Why?.... That's the question......Why the hell is it that I have to replace my Christmas lights every fucking year! I mean come on why can't they make a damn string of lights that last more than one season? I don't remember my parents ever having to replace a single string of lights during my childhood. Sure they were a complete fire hazard but hell they lasted forever....well till they burned the tree down, but that took at least a decade!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Welcome to my newest Cult of Kat Member

The newest passenger on the Shortbus is Pam, welcome to the world according to Kat.

Just Saying....

Hey Happy Thanksgiving Wankers!.............oh and if I see that blonde chick that Target keeps running in their ads while I'm shopping on Friday, I'm personally going to deck her....just saying

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Ahhhh

There are few days a year I really look forward to, today is one of them. Oh yeah that's right the day you wake up and realize it's not as late as you thought, that's right the time fairies has worked their magic and magically turned back time...............ahhhhhhhhhhhh sweet, now if I could only have the laundry, housekeeping and lesson plan fairies come and do their wonder I'd be set. Ok back to reality , Damnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

I'm gonna take you down

Stella James you muther fucking spam whore, go find some other blog to spam you stupid bitch

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Limewire Shutdown---- FML

                                   Legal Notice

This is an official notice that LimeWire is under a court-ordered injunction to stop distributing and supporting its file-sharing software. Downloading or sharing copyrighted content without authorization is illegal.

Hell to the NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!, Now where am I gonna get my Gangsta Rap music?????????

Friday, October 29, 2010

I have just one question

Ok so I have lots of questions about the stupid shit that happens in my life, but today I just have one for you. Why the hell do dogs eat cat shit. I mean what could possibly be so appetizing about another animal's shit. The entire thought of it is completely disgusting. And it's not like my dog is the only retard that does it, I've had plenty of other people tell me their stupid ass dogs do it too.

What I find interesting about this whole cat shit eating compulsion my dog has, is that I really think she knows on some level that the habit is disgusting, that's why she waits till I am out of the room to sneak down into the basement for her turd fix. I swear that damn dog is addicted to eating those crispy on the outside yet tender in the middle logs. It's like her freaking crack or something........anybody know of a good rehab program to reform this turd muncher?

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

That was Awkward, now quit doing that

So you all know that I teach Special Education, and this year I am blessed to have my students for a full 5 hours a day, non stop, the same kids, hour after hour…..ok you get my point here right, just saying it can get a bit tedious dealing with the same pool of individuals and the drama that accompanies it you know?

So needless to say my kids have quite a few social issues, in essence they are socially retarded in a lot of ways, and well tend to be the butt of ridicule and jokes. So me being the bright spot in their self esteem challenged day am always looking for ways to boost their fragile egos. And what better way to do that than to laugh at others who are even more socially inept than they are? Thanks to youtube there is always an endless supply of social tards to choose from……case in point, socially awkward from the beginning to end
 

Why do I subject myself to such things?

I admit it, I love haunted houses. I know in my mind that shit is all theatrics and all but damn I have to say they are awesome. So last weekend I decided to go through the Barn of Blood. Yeah corny name but what the hell it was only five bucks.

So I'm standing outside waiting to pay someone to scare the shit out of me when they go though the legal stuff, no cell phones, enter at your own risk, don't touch the actors, note to self they are actors, ok blah blah blah.
So as you go through these things you kinda get a feeling when something is gonna happen, and you brace yourself for it, but damn as I rounded this one corner I didn't expect this blood sucking zombie vampire to jump up at me from the floor. Son of a bitch he scared the shit out of me and damn if I didn't haul off and deck the dude. Not only did I hit him, but then I profusely apologized for hitting him. How screwed up is it that I am telling someone who I am paying to scare me that I'm sorry I decked them while they were wheeling a chainsaw in my face. I know completely whacked thinking.....only in America I tell ya, only in America...Sweet Jesus I love this country!

Saturday, October 23, 2010

My Favorite Reality TV Show

Contributed by Maria Ruiz
I admit it. I am a misogynist and a sadist, and I enjoy watching women prostitute themselves on reality television whenever possible. This is why I am a fan of The Bachelor. The show is basically about desperate women throwing themselves at an eligible bachelor, but that is not the true premise of the show. The women are actually throwing themselves at the camera, trying to convince the public that they are worthy of their fifteen minutes of fame. This is why The Bachelor is such an amazing piece of television.

I enjoy watching this so-called Bachelor buy into the fact that these women want him, when all they really want is the fame. It is interesting to see the egotistical nature of man, to see him feed his own ego in a show designed for the sole purpose making women look stupid. In this sense it is the man who looks the fool. So when I say that women are prostituting themselves, I don't mean that in the pejorative sense. I am being complimentary of their pursuit to achieve fame at all costs. The Bachelor, on the other hand, ultimately gains nothing from the process, as he must be bound to a woman he ultimately will divorce, and thus look like an evil jerk, while the women who are dumped will appear sympathetic. This compelling drama is why I watch The Bachelor on satellite TV from Direc4u.com.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Open Wide




If you are currently not seeing a dentist for your dental care, you should consider finding one so you can take care of dental problems while they are minor and easy to take care of service wise and also with less cost.  

Many people have not seen a dentist for some time for various reasons, maybe they had a bad experience, they have lost their benefits, or simply are in search of a new office for their dental services.  

A great way to find a dentist is to seek out recommendations from friends, family and colleagues. You should also search online as this will throw up a whole list of dentists, orthodontists and cosmetic dentists in your area.  The choices and resources are there, now is the time to be proactive and take care of those dental needs before you experience bigger problems.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

I can't say they didn't try..............

Newest Cult of Kat Member

I've been thinking about featuring new followers for awhile, and then it seemed like I was stuck at 90 followers for what seemed like forever. So since I finally got another follower I decided I'd start a new tradition of featuring a follower from time to time.  So welcome Jennifer from Is it in Yet..... to the crazy world of what we call The Short bus. Fasten your seat belt and put your helmet on, its going to be a bumpy ride.

Monday, October 18, 2010

I hear she's got an itchy ass...............

So there you are at the grocery store, going up and down the aisles picking out all those regular things you purchase every week when you round the corner and run into someone you haven't seen for awhile. Of course you start chit chatting with them about what they've been up to and then the convervation turns toward you.

Just as you are telling them about how crazy your life seems to be lately, you notice that they're checking out all the shit you've got in your cart. Yeah they are downright taking fucking inventory of all the bottles of vodka, that tube of ointment for your itchy va jay jay, and that tube of preparation H. Seriously I never look at what someone else has in their cart, it doesn't freaking dawn on me to even think about it. But I'll be damned if it doesn't fucking happen to me all the time.  What the hell is up with that anyway. The worst.....when you run into other people who you go to church with, or better yet that pastor or priest! Ugh! Oh and by the way I have neither an itchy vagina or ass......just trying to make a point....So my question  is does this happen to you, or am I the only fucknut it happens to? 

Friday, October 15, 2010

Dialing down my inner Bitch

The other day I was being my normal demanding self insisting that my students pay attention to me when I notice one male student with his hood on top his head and his head planted squarely on his desk. Typically this means they've decided to take a nappy poo during my wonderfully educataional lecture.

Me being the bitch I am,  insisted that he wake the fuck up and actually pay attention to me. I know how dare I right, but sometimes hindsight is 20/20. I come to find out this same kid claimed to have tried to hang himself in his closet that morning. Personally I think it's a far fetched story, I think any parent who walked in on their kid trying to off themselves wouldn't pick them up, dust them off and send them to school. But it does kinda make me think I need to dial on my inner bitch at times. At least it's Friday, hellz yeah!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Why is it that?????????

Why is it that it's always the ugly people who decide to be nudists????????

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Rooting for the Underdog

I consider myself a survivor in my own rights, so I'm always inspired by other people's survival stories and their journey to fight their demons......this is just one of them

Keep fighting the good fight Josh and kick some Yankee ass!

Monday, October 11, 2010

Did anyone ever tell you, you look like.............

So I was watching that incredibly stupid movie Land of the Lost this weekend when I made the discovery that one of my students is the spitting image of the character Khakka..........well he's not covered in fur from head to toe but damn I am telling you they could be twins. It's really kinda freaky how much they look alike. So my question is do you think it'll damage his psychie for life if I tell him he's the spitting image of a fur covered cave man? Ahh what the hell, he's goes out of his way to be a pain in my ass daily, screw his fragile psychie.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Crazy Shit I do while on Ambian

So I've talked about how I take Ambian to help me sleep at night, my therapist prescribed it for me over a year ago and I have to admit that shit is the next best thing to sliced bread. When I first started taking it one of my blog readers told me to "be careful" because when he first started taking it he emailed everyone in his contact list one night telling them he had lost his penis..........yeah...I couldn't make that shit up if I tried.

Now fortunately I'm not as sensitive to this shit as they were....unless well I take a double dose. That's when things get bat shit crazy and you are doing stuff that you vaguely remember the next day and shit you downright  don't remember. I swear that stuff is like leagized roofies. You wake up in the morning and swear you're reinacting a fucking scence from The Hangover.

Let's just say I vagely remember something about the cat getting out of the house, me trying to get it back in and me pissing my pants in the process. That stuff is a gloried memory eraser I tell ya, and I can testify that it makes you a complete blithering idiot. Seriously you say shit that make absolutely no sense at all. Carring on a legimate conversation with another human being is an impossiblity, because you sound like a fucking tard. Don't believe me then just watch this..........  just don't piss your pants.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Why is it....................

Why is it that when I have to take a day off and call a sub, my student's feel the need to behave like a teacher's worst nightmare? Seriously it's like they go crazy when I'm not there. I've had subs leave in the middle of the day, openly break down and cry and have to "take a break from the madness" and flat out refuse to ever sub for me again. Now it's not like I don't have class management skills, I do. I run a tight ship, and there are boundaries, and for the most part the students acknowledge it and respect it. But damn every time I am out for a day it's like the bat shit crazy comes out in them............and I spend the whole next day undoing and dealing with all the chaois that occured the day before.

Oh and the one thing I always hear from the kids the next day..........man don't ever get that sub again she was such a bitch! Yeah well maybe if you wankers had shut you frigging trap for one second and followed the classroom rules like you  are expected to she might have been less "bitchy".  Sometime I wonder if my subs drink themselves into a drunken stupor after subbing for me? What can I say, you gotta be "special" to handle the short bus. 

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Gripe of the Day

Well, you know how I said I was waiting for the last season of Lost and took great care to not have the ending spoiled by anyone? Well no one spoiled it but those damn producers! What the hell, seriously I was completely disappointed, I mean come on! Really? I guess my expectations were too high, I mean I only wasted about what a week of my life watching the damn thing..........shame on me for actually thinking it'd end better. Now that I think about it, Maybe it was the producer's way of keeping me in purgatory. Oh well..

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

I don't care who you are....This shit is funny

If we can't make fun of ourselves who will, enjoy this parody of our "Pure Michigan" ad campaign

Wordless Wednesday

Love someone with a sense of humor and great grammar skillzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

According to my inbox............

If my spam inbox could talk.............according to my recent email messages I have exactly 4 southwest airline tickets in my name waiting for me to fly any where in the continental US...anyone up for Vegas???
....According to a psychic  my lucky numbers for this week are 54-9-30-20-5...seriously if any of my readers play those numbers in  the lottery and win YOU OWE ME HALF! Who knew you could get a psychic reading through email, go figure.

Melissa. Brenda and  my personal favorite Cougarlovin all have pics they want to share with me....wtf am I on some lesibian email list or some shit? What the fuck is that all about..........On the Flip side Jillian knows what men want and wants to tell me all about it.....

And of course I have at least 5k in Target, Best Buy, Walmart, and free grocery gift cards just for the asking and participating in no less than 150 marketing offers..............  It really does amaze me how much spam I get considering  I emptied my inbox no less than 2 hours ago...damn how the hell do these people get my email address so easily and how much money is changing hands selling it? I don't know about you but I'm in the wrong fucking business......excuse me as I empty my spam box ....again

Monday, September 20, 2010

I am easily amused.........

Yes it's true and it's the simple things that crack my ass up.........like this new commercial by Geico

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Times Like These

Even though this song won't be officially released till November I can't get enough of it........nice to know someone is sympathizing ........It's kinda hard to hear what he's saying in the beginning but once he starts singing you can ....enjoy

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Back to the grind

That's right this is my LAST long free weekend for awhile..........class begins on Tuesday and I have to say I'm ready to go back and fill those little minds with knowledge. Ok enough with the teacher philosophy. I'll be happy if I can get through a day without my student's shanking each other.  What can I say I keep my expectations low so I can celebrate the little successes. Wish me luck.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Man, what the hell!

How is it possible for my yard and every other house on my block smell like ass. Seriously I stepped outside and I swear it smelled like someone dumped an entire semi-truck full of cow shit in the middle of my neighborhood and drove away. How the hell does this happen and where the fuck is that smell coming from. Excuse me while I go heave my guts out from this putrid god awefull smell! Damn that shit stinks

Sunday, August 29, 2010

You're Warned Bitch

Stella James if you don't quit fucking spamming my blog and dropping your stupid ass links I am going to hunt you you down and kick your fucking assssssssss!!!!!!!!

Saturday, August 28, 2010

You know you are going to hell right?

There's a special place in hell for people who send this shit to me............

From: James Bradley
Reply to: jamesbradley.sydney@w.cn



Hi, my name is James Bradley, from Sydney Australia. I am sending you this email from the confines of my hospital room, I have been diagnosed to be suffering from a rare form of cancer known as Esophageal Cancer, to my greatest bewilderment; my doctor says me that I have only a few months to live due to the terminal illness. The news was so devastating to me, that I decided to stay within the confinement of my hospital room and live out my last days on earth quietly. I asked that my hospital room be equipped with a laptop so that I can take care of some outstanding issues. One of which is my desire to donate a sizable amount of money to cancer research institutes and other deserving charity organizations. I wish that you receive the funds, and assist me in disbursing the funds to cancer research institutes and other deserving charity organizations. Please, don’t mind the time taken from your busy schedule to work with me on this sole act of charity, because you will surely be compensated.

Indicate your wiliness to assist me by sending an email to my private email box (jamesbradley.sydney@w.cn) by doing so I will be able to send you more details.
Kind Regards,
James Bradley


Seriously I just want to kick people like this in the ass. I hate them almost as much as the assholes that leave spam comments on my blog, your asses are next mother fuckers!

Friday, August 27, 2010

Why didn't someone think of this before?

Sometimes you run across a company that offers a service and you wonder why the heck didn't someone think of this before, that's exactly what my thoughts were when I ran accross Createamattress.com. If you've ever suffered from a bad back you'd know how freaking cool it is to think you can design your own mattress.

Yes custom make your own mattress, from the type of materials, softness, firmness etc. It's a big deal if you suffer from arthritis, allergies, or just need a mattress that's made to your needs and not that of everyone else in the world. The nice thing about these made to order mattresses is that they are comparable in quality to all those national brands out there at a considerable mattress discount. You could easily  save 20-40 % off the prices you see in department stores...imagine that queen size memory foam mattress made to your specification and discounted to boot. Freaking Fabulous idea if you ask me.

It's Friday Bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A little "funny" to kick off your Friday........................

Friday, August 20, 2010

Weird things about me ......part 1 because you know there is a wealth of material on this subject

I hate chocolate Ice cream, detest it, especially if it a really dark chocolate....don't know why but I do. A half gallon of that shit will get freezer burned before I eat it.

I so really want to join an adult dodge ball team but I never had fast enough dodging skills and always was decked square up side the head in the first freaking round, falling on the floor like a chicken with it;s head chopped off, only to be sent to the sideline to nurse a severe concussion.

But by far I think the strangest thing I think I do is that I often carry on conversations with people in my head. Sometimes it's repeating a conversation I had earlier, but it goes the way I wanted it to go (like I get to use the snappy comeback I thought up hours later). Sometimes it's in preparation for a conversation I'm going to have, practicing what I'm going to say. But usually it's just me talking to random people about random things that happen to be on my mind. This is fine, except when I get really into my imaginary conversation and start using facial expressions and gestures, which invariably carry over into the Real World. This is worst when I'm having an imaginary conversation in Spanish, because my limited vocabulary in that language has always left me to resort to gestures and dramatic facial expressions in order to get my point across. Sometimes I walk down the street by myself and suddenly discover I'm rolling my eyes or sneering at strangers. Never mind! I'm just having conversations with the voices in my head! Nothing to see here!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Cooking Asshole needs No Reservations

I've been blogging for a couple of years now, and along the way I've found some great blogs, and some awesomely fantastic writers that make me completely envious. But I'm a realist, I know when it comes to blogging I am completely on the D list, and I tend to gravitate toward blogs and bloggers that aren't afraid to blog what they want, no matter who it may offend, and in the process although they rank above me in many ways they're not considered by the mainstream as blogging all stars. I know fuck them right?

So when one of my fellow blogger bugs get some recognition I'm the first to say Hellz yeah!. Cooking for Assholes is kick ass site for all you wanna be cooks out there. But don't take my word for it, just as Anthony Bourdain. In a recent interview Bourdain was asked if he read any blogs and replied "Cooking For Assholes is wonderful – that’s a really great one."

That's right Anthony Fucking Bourdain said Cooking for Assholes was wonderful! So give some props to my little monkey friend and tell him congrat! Now if I could just get Anderson Cooper to make a non inflammatory remark about The Short Bus!

Friday, August 13, 2010

I admit it ..........I'm a sucker

I think I've mentioned that I got a dog last summer, and being a animal control misfit on death row she has turned out to be a good addition to the family. Now when I got my dog I had no idea if she was house broken, so I was kinda relieved that she seemed to at least be sort of housebroken, in the fact that she'd go when I let her out. Of course there were a few accidents in the the first few weeks I had her but that quickly ran it's course.

Now because I am constantly being proactive about the dog not getting in the habit of shitting or pissing in the house I let her out at a minimum 10 times a day. And I know this may seem weird but I know when that dog is sitting by the door wanting out even if I'm in another room, it's sort of doggie, owner ESP....well it might have to do with the fact that she constantly follows me around the house so if she's not under foot she's probably sitting next to the door wanting out.

So one night I'm in living room and I hear the dog whining at the door, usually she doesn't whine to go bout but I figured hell she must really have to go, so I get up and open the door only for her to just sit there and stare at me. What the fuck? do you want out or not?

So I go back to my business, get my ass all comfortable on the couch only to hear that damn dog at the door again....get my ass up again and open the door, still she doesn't budge just sits there looking at me with those big brown eyes thinking "why the hell can't you figure out what I want bitch"

At this point I'm getting pissed off, and go sit back down only to be drug back to the door because now she's scratching at the floor.........only this time I check her food and water, maybe she's thirsty....nope, filled to the brim, open the door....nope don't need to go out......so I stand there and just stare at her. What do you want dog??????????

Then I thought, maybe she wants a treat, so I grab a milk-bone and tell her to piss off and leave me alone.......But no sooner than a half hour later that little shit was up to the same thing.......go to the door, whine, refuse to go out....and stare at the container with the dog treats until I give her one. My dog is seriously trying to manipulate me for milk-bones. Just when I thought she was this sweet innocent little creature she played me! Ugh ! What the hell is my life coming to when my dog can con me out of doggie treats! I digress

Sunday, August 1, 2010

There is 3 sides to a story.....and then there's the truth

 I origionally wrote this post with out using the real names of the indivuals involved and then I said Fuck IT......

So I was hanging out one night on the forum at my favorite social network when I noticed a comment that my web nemesis posted. Essentially she was making a statement/question involving  Tony the owner of the network and another blogger -- Jon that was banned from that forum.  Now normally I wouldn't blink twice at the shit she writes, but this comment essentially insinuated that Jon physically assaulted Tony..

Now being in a unique position of knowing both of these individuals, the comment bothered me on several levels. One that someone I know would be capable of doing such a thing, two, that the individual allegedly assaulted would have anything to do with this person  ....and thirdly...I smelled an overwhelming aroma of bullshit. So I asked for the link to the video she claimed that Tony said he was assaulted, and after a some time of her hemming and hawing she finally gave it to me. 

Considering the source, I decided to do some homework...If my nemesis hadn't insisted that it was true and that she had confirmation I'd probably had left it alone at this point.......hell who am I kidding, no I wouldn't have. Maybe it was her blatant superiority that pissed me off...... or maybe it was just my need to call her out on her bullshit......

So I left messages for Tony, and called Jon on the phone. Jon said the incident never happened, and that he hadn't even met Tony in person until the week before, which I found very interesting considering that the video she sent me was more than several months old,  so OBVIOUSLY Tony wasn't referring to the John she was talking about. But to be fair I waited for a response from Tony....a day or two later he responded with an answer........"No, Never" .....some simple investigating anyone could have done...............

So I informed my web nemesis of the information I gleaned and her response was that because Tony didn't respond to her original comment she ASSumed that she was correct. Really? Since when are assumptions the truth? What a crock of shit, and a lame ass excuse.  

But the one thing I think that pissed me off the most was her friendly advice that if I blogged about this that I would be threatening her and it would "blow up in my face".  Hummm not sure about how telling the truth could be threatening to her, the only thing threatening is the fact that her bullshit was exposed, and the only thing blowing up  is her shit in her face.  Moral of the story, don't be an ass.

That's all I got to say bout' that.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Meet my New Companion

Went to the Foot specialist today because my left foot has been killing me for the past few weeks, well months actually...After an exam and a few zillion x-rays the conclusion to my ailing foot is that essentially my Achilles tendon is FUCKED up. 

Now if you all know anything about your Achilles tendon....every time you flex your foot, as in essentially take a step you are using that tendon. So needless to say you are totally screwed.

So my new companion for the next two weeks is this ugly ass boot...yes my foot feels a bit better with it on but it's hot, itchy and heavy as hell to lug around, not to mention it's terrifying going down stairs in it, I almost fell down the stairs on my first attempt to navigate them.

Ugh....just hoping this works, because if it doesn't the next step in treating it is a hard cast and if that doesn't work.......surgery, which entails chipping away a protruding bone , removing my Achilles tendon and reattaching it by screwing into my heel. Sounds fun huh.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Picking my battles

Being on Summer break gives me time to hang out in a few select social networking sites. As we all know the interwebs can become drama drama island fast when personalities clash. I've written about my web nemesis many a time and how she's pissed me off in the past. To be honest I've given up on wasting my energy trying to win a pissing match with someone whose opinion on anything doesn't matter at all to me.

Now I don't put much credence in mud slinging myself, after all it's kind of like a stand off in the playground in elementary school no one is going to win because the playground monitor always steps in and sends everyone to the corner. It doesn't accomplish much in the end.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Wordless Wednesday

So Doug went on vacation and all I got was ( a pic of ) this lousy t-shirt..........no seriously wish  I could wear this to work......but the kids on this short bus look way too General Education to be realistic. lol

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Let the Rant Begin...........

First off I’d like to thank my blogging buddy Kat for letting me post this on her cool ass site. This is a rant about my best friend, so obviously I cannot post this on my blog.

Where should I start? Well I won’t bore you with a long drawn out story so let me break this down as simple as I can. Basically my friend of over fifteen years is a musician/rapper. Well he had a small record deal about two years ago and the company he was signed with went bankrupt, like a shitload of other US companies. When they went bankrupt they also took ALL of his music with them leaving my buddy basically fucked and right back to square one.

So me being the friend and good guy that I am I decided I was going to help my friend with his music. Now I didn’t know shit about recording music at the time, but I’m an IT guy and I know computers so how hard could it be? I went out and spent my own money on building a recording studio in my house, took a few lessons with Pro-Tools, built him a sick ass website and we were on our way. A year or so later I was making his beats for him and we put together a whole album, which I also paid for. My buddy then started to get some shows and a little recognition, that’s when he changed.

Right after he started getting noticed is when he became a total dick. At first I was having fun making the music with him, but it soon became almost like a job with an asshole boss, a job with an asshole boss where it’s costing ME money at that.  Suddenly my friend of 15 years was no longer my friend anymore and all he cares about now is himself. He started treating me like I was his fucking do-boy and not his friend. Talking to me like I owed him something when in fact it was my time and money that got him to where he’s at. He didn’t care about me or anything that was going on in my life. Nope he cared only about what I was going to do for him. Yup I had spent a year of my time and a lot of my own money helping my friend accomplish his dream only to get fucked over and treated like I hadn’t done a damn thing for him.

Recently I decided to stop working with him and just go back to my regular old life without spending hours of my day on shit for the prick. Yeah asshole I’m not doing a fucking thing for you anymore because I see now that you’re not my real friend. All you care about is yourself and could give two shits about me and the stuff that I have done for you. This has been a long time coming and to tell you the fucking truth I really don’t care anymore. Yeah I’m a little upset that I lost a lifelong friend but you know what? I don’t think he ever was my real friend in the first place. I’m better off without you fucker, get some other asshole to do all the shit I did for you. And by the way I’m gonna send you an invoice for all the fuckin money you owe me fuck face!
 
DG

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Do You really think you know my fucking Audiance?

Guest has left a comment on your "People Who Need To Just Go The Fuck Away...Part 3 " post.


"I assume you want people to read this story. Some people may not object to profanity in a headline. However, there is a large number who do. I quit reading at the headline. There are better, more professional ways to get your message across."

Lol thanks for the blog fodder, now piss off!!

People Who Need To Just Go The Fuck Away...Part 3

So I've got this endless supply of people I could include in this category, but my personal pick for round 3 are stupid ass parents. Case in point.....the couple I saw walking on the side of a 4 lane busy road with a toddler and pushing an infant in a stroller.   Seriously people this is not the place to take a leisurely stroll with the family...and to top it all off they weren't holding the toddlers hand. Look you idiots, all it takes is for one person to not pay attention and mow your asses over...........For the love of Jesus people use your brains!!!!!!!!!!!

These Words hold Truth



It just comes at you sometimes. A smell, the taste of ripe strawberries in the summer heat, morning light infiltrating the blinds, or a song that once represented a whole season. How the memories rush at you when you least expect it and hit you so hard in the chest that your eyes well up, brimming with sweet nostalgia. Would it be a lie to say I can recall what it was like to bask lazily in a cradle, cozying up to pillows and soft sheets?

And from there, the first time I scrapped my knees to the first sight of my own blood. At the age of four or five, we (the cousins and I) filled acorn shells with water that would collect in puddles after a heavy downpour and serve each other tea.

A boy stole a kiss when I was eight and I never let him forget it by beating him to a pulp as he conceded without a fight. I remember the feeling of losing something precious, that I never knew I had to give, in the first place.

After the innocent age of unknowing youth came adolescent and teenage rebellion lead by the extreme desire to want to know; to remove the veil of shelter and protection and to test the fairy tale ideals that my naive mind had once clung hopefully to. To know what it was like to do this or that. To know what it was like to feel this or that. and all for the first time.

Everything was a blur then and I can't recall succinctly any one singular event that changed me forever. But I have changed. and I've lost everything that made me innocent once.

Maybe I'm not ready to remember.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

It's so Fucking Hot here..............

Even the Red Necks are taking drastic measures

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Dude....What'd you do to get community service?..........Well

Ok was scanning the news in the "D" and ran across this and couldn't help but chuckle at the headline and news story .......enjoy


MSU student won't face criminal charges in thong thefts

Tom Greenwood / The Detroit News


East Lansing -- It wasn't a crime, it was a contest!

A 19-year-old Michigan State University found with 79 pairs of stolen thongs in his dorm room will not be charged with a crime, according to the Ingham County Prosecutor's Office.

Prosecutor Stuart Dunnings III decided that the unidentified student will instead pay a fine and do community service.

According to Dunnings, several male students were involved in a contest to see who could come up with the most purloined panties.

"My understanding is they were having a contest to see how many (thongs) they could get," Dunnings told the Lansing State Journal. "For whatever reason, his room was the repository of those efforts."

It was in April when the student was reported to police after he was seen pilfering a pair of delicates from a dryer in West Akers Hall.

The police seized on the tip because they had been investigating reports of the theft of 15 pairs of underwear from the same laundry room over the previous weeks.

A raid of the student's dorm room turned up 79 pairs of skimpy skivvies, all thongs. At the time, the student said it was all a prank and denied having an obsession with women's underwear.

Ghetto Thanks!!!!

Well lookie, lookie at my new header, That's right I got a new photoshopped header courtesy of Goose over at The Goosequill blog,  Can't say thanks enough, could never have done it myself, Again Thanks a bunch, I Love It.                                                   You Rock Dude!

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

I'm always a day late................

I always seem to be a day late and a dollar short sometimes, you all know my obsession with LOST, I always seem to get hooked on a show that's been around forever and I get in on the tail end of it. LOST is just one example, recently I've gotten hooked on The George Lopez Show, damn that show is funny, not sure why I never watched it before.

Another show I never realized how funny it was is Family Guy, I freaking laugh through the whole damn show, How did I miss that boat???

So my question today is...........what show have you discovered late in the game that you are completely addicted to???????????

Sunday, June 27, 2010

straogjt up blogging ing underthe influence of Ambien

amd tje dosasteopis situiations thae ensue when you eyes can bareluy see well enough to tyop a  even simplistically normal statemet  whhe ylur head is sweavvving to the slwauinng of screabndkdkkdddddddddd, allid seeis doubles ojevefrtthubgllllllllllll  yeah rthininmki itrsi time ro gogo gsdddddddddddddddddddddddand finish my beer becase the Compjter is sweaving   like a boat on lake supeioer   . Damn this shit is goood tiger needs to have stock in that shitlllllllllI     

Disclaimer: I really don't remember doing this post obviously Ambien is that good lol                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

Friday, June 25, 2010

People Who Need To Just Go The Fuck Away...Part 2

Didn't think I'd be writing a sequel to this series so quickly but what can I say sometimes blog fodder just falls in your lap. So I was checking my email tonight when I noticed that I had message from blog catalog saying I had a new blog review, humm.... let's check this out. That's when I realized I had a new candidate for the You Need to go the Fuck Away Club.

Now I'm not pissed about the review because to tell you the honest truth I couldn't give a shit what the dick head thinks, but if you are going to do a damn review, especially a negative one at least get your fucking grammar right! Seriously what the fuck is this supposed to mean?

"Weird Blog
I think this blog is very weird, I wish the owner will look at this review, and think he's right."

First off dickhead, I'm a "she" not a he, and anyone with an IQ of 50 could figure that out, and secondly I prefer the term quirky rather than weird. So take your lame ass broken English, grammatically challenged ass and piss off. Oh and the teacher in me grades your review as an "F" for Fuckhead.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

People Who Need To Just Go The Fuck Away...Part 1

So this is  new series I am starting, people who I am sick and tired of seeing and hearing about....
First victim...........Lady" I fucking hate you" GaGa. Main reason for her being on my hit list, other than being a fucking nut job and circus side show....she's fucking with one thing I love.......... baseball.

Who the hell does she think she is sitting behind homeplate and acting like a complete douchebag, and what the hell woman put some fucking clothes on when you are in damn public, it's a baseball game with little kids in attendance for god's sake! I don't blame Jerry Seinfeld for being pissed off they escorted her to "his" skybox because she was basically booed out of her seat. As much as I hate New York baseball fans, I gotta say you got this one right guys.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Word on the Street

Word on the Street is that the music business is betting on the ghetto's homeboy Eminem's new release to save their failing industry.......kinda ironic that a white rapper from 8 mile is suddenly the golden boy of the music industry.....kudo's Marshall

Get your priorities staight

 Recently I was shocked to hear about a former boss of mine dying. Personally I always thought he'd give himself a stroke one day, but hell I didn't think he'd die at such a young age. He was always one of those  type A personalities that constantly was stressing over one thing or another at work, and I always thought what a waste of energy.

I mean don't get me wrong I believe in a strong work ethic, but the speakers at his funeral seemed contradictory. Sure they all praised his commitment to the school district stating he was always the first one there in the morning and the last one to leave at night, great in the short run but what did it get him except an early death. But, then they all talked about how his family came first, personally I don't see how that could be. Now don't get me wrong I know he loved his family but you can't spend 60 hours a week at your job and say you put your family first....just my opinion.

Luckily he was a planner, one of the things he excelled at and I am sure he planned well to take care of his family, and I've learned a few things from his example, cherish your family time and retire as soon as you can because life is too short..........prepare for the future of your family get a term life insurance quote, make your funeral plans so your family doesn't have too, and get aussie accident coverage, make sure your family is taken care of in the future but be there for them now. No job is worth taking time away from your now.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

She's back............

Logged into my favorite social network BC tonight to find that my web nemesis was back in all her glory.....seems someone had a moment of insanity and decided to un-ban her. Just when I thought I'd have an uneventful summer, I suddenly got the urge to fork an eyeball lol.....but you know I have to give her some kudos though, no one has come close to being able to spew venom at me like she can. Let's just say this is going to be interesting and let the games begin....muhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Mother of the Year

You know the old saying "some people shouldn't be allowed to reproduce". Yeah well I beginning to think it's a good idea lately.  The other day I ran down to the corner convience store and as I was walking into the store I heard this blood curtling scream .............."Momma! Momma! Momma!" I'm thinking what the fuck and start looking around and notice that the screaming is coming from across the street.

A kid no older than maybe 3 was sitting on the front porch of a house across the road, at first I thought he was just calling for his mom who was inside the house, until I heard his Mother call out to him "stay on the porch", as she crossed the busy 4 lane road to go to the convenience store I just pulled up to.

What was this woman thinking? I don't know too many parents that would trust that their 3 year old, let alone one screaming for his Mother would stay put on that porch and not try to follow his Mother across the street.
Damn I just wanted to bitch slap that woman, I think I was more concerned for her kid than she was as I stood there staring at him, practically willing him to stay on that porch and not follow her.  Meanwhile she's chatting it up with the cashier buying her lottery tickets and slim jims all the while not even glancing across the street to check on her kid. Like I said some people shouldn't be allowed to reproduce. Stupid Bitch.

An Incomplete list of Good Things

In no particular order
The smell of a freshly bathed new born baby
Not having to set the alarm clock
Bare feet
Freshly washed sheets
A warm towel when you step out of the shower on a cold morning
Watermelon Jolly Ranchers
Writing
Feeling comfortable with self-contradiction
Bald heads
The feel of a good pair of jeans
Anderson Cooper in an Armani Suit
Snowdays
Black High Heels
Heroes
The Detroit Tigers
A Large Diet with Light Ice
Grey Hair on Young Men
Good Fiction
Taco Bells that are open til 4 a.m.
Summer Vacation
Anderson Cooper in Kevlar
Drinking a cold beer on the patio
Not having to wake up at 5 am for another two and half months
Boyshorts in every color
Proudly Flying Your Freak Flag
Text Messaging
Old Friends
A new tube of lipstick
My students telling me they wish I were their Mom
A clean Desk
Convertibles
Bubble Baths
Carmel Apple Empanada's
Beer Buzzes
Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band
Good Friends
Other People's Weddings
Hallmark Cards
Road Trips
Lightening bugs
Freedom to think what I want

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

FML

Just when I thought things couldn't get worse they do. Here I am a fool sitting back thinking I've escaped the layoff game at work only to get an email from the Superintendent to say because the school board is not "happy" with the consessions we've offered they are going to punish the union by laying off more teachers. Nice way to begin a summer break, not knowing if you'll be employed next school year...........Yeah Fuck My Life !

Saturday, June 5, 2010

One Year Later

It's been exactly one year since my friend Rodney AKA Forrest passed away. You are missed daily by the love of your life Tina, the apple of your eye Emily and of course by myself, your friend. I miss the smack talk and you calling my Tigers girls....which by the way they played like a bunch of girls tonight. And although we all miss you in different ways it's comforting to know you are not suffering anymore, your time on earth was too short....

Friday, June 4, 2010

And your Logic is based on what?

So I just logged in over at Blog Catalog and started reading a discussion, of course being the person I am I added my two cents only to get into a rather mind boggling exchange of views. Basically the whole thing came down to me disagreeing that people who are pedophiles shouldn't be persecuted by society. WTF

Honestly how can anyone in their right mind think that any adult who fantasies about having sex with a child is just entertaining a harmless fetish. Are you fucking kidding me! Seriously that is completely whacked thinking about as whacked as the pedophile rationalization that there is no harm in just thinking such thoughts.....well if it's such an OK thing, why don't I see any "I'm a pedophile and proud of it" bumper stickers?? Huh?

I can't tell you how much this thread made me rage!!!!!!!!!!  And to top it all off the commenter had the fucking balls to say the everyone  was all hung up on the safety of children, that pedofiles don't all act out on their thoughts.....ummm that may be true but it's not completely true otherwise there wouldn't be a multi billion dollar child pornography business....... But that doesn't hurt children RIGHT???? Fuck some people are so disturbingly stupid  in their thinking!  For the love of God where is a labotamist when you need one?

Thursday, June 3, 2010

You've gotta be kidding me!

So my boy Armando got ROBBED last night of a perfect game, yeah completely sucked for him. I'm sure you've seen the call heard round the world as clips of it have even made The View, which in my opinion is a complete waste of television programing but hell what do I know anyway.

So yeah Jim Joyce a veteran ump and one that is held in high regard among the league blew it Royally. But I gotta give him some credit, after reviewing the play he manned up and admitted his stink ass call and promptly went over to the tiger dugout and apologized to Galarraga for robbing him of his place in the history books of baseball.

But what was even more impressive was the way Galarraga handled the situation, with utter sportsmanship, a simple smile and got back up on the mound and pitched to the next batter. With a heavy heart I am sure, but you'd never have known it.  That my friends is integrity, and humbleness, something I think most players lost when they signed their first contract.  I guess the sweetest thing about this whole situation is that just a month ago Galarraga was sent down to the Triple A team, for two reasons, one he needed to get his head together and work on his mechanics, and two, the team believed in him  enough to give him  another shot. Not exactly someone you'd expect to be a Perfect Game Candidate. But that's the beauty of the game, the underdog always has a shot to shine.

Oh and don't feel too bad for Armando...............the Tiger appreciated his effort enough to give him this as a consolation price
SWEET RIDE

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Reunited

Thanks to Angus Young for the guest post.

I was recently reunited with my fourteen year old daughter, who I haven’t seen for a dozen years. If it weren't for social networking sites on hughesnetI might never have found her, and I’m sure we wouldn’t communicate all that much. When you’re an estranged father you have to start somewhere, and when dealing with a teenager it’s best to start slow. Posting messages back and forth has provided me with a good way to take those first steps.

I think we are both coming to realize how alike we are by finding more about each other’s personalities. I’ll post a link to something I like and she’ll comment; or vice versa. The connection with hughes net petersburg is great. We may not have seen each other for over a decade, but at least I can get online and see her pictures. As we exchange email and messages we slowly begin to make up for our lost time.

My job keeps me city of the city most of the time and away from the hard wired comforts of modern society. There are still places without fiber optics; I am glad that there are things like satellite internet to keep us connected at those times.

When the day comes that we can actually meet we will have a good head start, which ought to make that first meeting a little less awkward. And eventually I will be able to post another picture online, with both of us standing together.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Six Word Memoirs

Ok I did this six word memoirs on my old blog and it was entertaining so thought I'd do it again. Here are the rules, you can only post 6 words to describe your life or just the moment or thoughts you are experiencing presently. So come on give me some funny, sad, or even weird six word memoirs.......................

I'll go first...................Living in my head, scary place

I don't get it

Now that the weather is warmer I have notice that the porch dwellers are back. You know those people who sit on their front porch and watch the traffic go by. Now I get where this all started from back in the day when you'd sit on your porch and talk to your neighbors that were walking by. But honestly the people that I notice doing this don't live in areas where people are doing this because there aren't even sidewalks in this area.

No they just sit on their porch and watch the cars going by, seriously is it that interesting to watch 4 lanes of traffic driving past your house as you suck down your Coors Lite? And let's not forget those garage dwellers, you know those people who sit in their garage and watch the cars go by? For the life of me I just don't get it....do you?

Sunday, May 23, 2010

I Admit it

I am completely and utterly addicted to Lost! But I'm only on Season 5 so now for the next month I have to avoid all talk radio morning shows and ET and Late Night Talk Shows in an effort not to spoil it for myself.

And for the Love of God Please don't comment with any spoilers People! There are a few suprises in life just let me and my pathetic life enjoy this one !
Oh and this pic cracks the me the hell up!
Someone's got some mad photoshoppin skillz !

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Gotta Love A Reader With a Sense of Humor .......

Recently got this comment on one of my first posts......
Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Joke of the Day":

oh yea i agree with ya I LOVE MY SHORT BUS ......I RIDE WITH ME HELMET EVERYDAY BUT WHEN I WEAR MY HELMET ON THE SHORT BUS ITS HARD TO LICK THE WINDOWS...u know what i mean mAN i hate it .....they need to do something about that ...RIGHT NOW.....


Friday, May 14, 2010

Finally it's Friday...........

It's been a long week for me and probably for you too so thought I'd start your weekend with a laugh....

And just so you don't think I am picking on you guys, here's one that pokes fun at the gals.........I call it redneck tanktop...........umm yeah it's made from what you think it is...........

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Oh You did not Just Say That.

So today I had to make a quick stop at the insurance company, of course they were closed by the time I got there but that's not the point of my story here. Anyway there was no place to park so I had to park on the other side of the building.....after realizing that they were closed I started heading back to my car. As I rounded the building I saw these two older ladies a significant distance ahead of me walking into the BBQ place. I also noticed a couple close behind them and assumed they were all together and really didn't pay much attention to them since the older women had entered the building and seemed to be holding the door for the couple behind them. I passed the couple just as they approached the door and that's when I heard, "Thanks for holding the door Honey" in a rather snide tone of voice. At first I thought the woman was talking to her boyfriend/husband but then I realized she was giving me a death stare....That bitch was talking to me! WTF, Seriously what the fuck did she want me to do, dead stop in front of them, hold the door open so she could waddle her fat ass into the BBQ place! Since when is it my fucking job to make mad dashes to hold open a door for your fat ass!

If you want to get technical your boy should have "Manned Up" and held the door for those old ladies, after all  he was within two feet of the women and on the same side of the sidewalk where I was even further away and on the opposite side. I really wanted to bitch slap her, but who am I to stand between her and her BBQ.........could have lost my life for all I know.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Are You Out Of Your F#@&ing Mind?

So last month some asshole cleaned out my bank account....that's right some sleezeball hacked my bank account and stole every last dime I owned........needless to say I can't tell you how much that sucked waiting for the priviledge of getting MY money credited back into my account.

So I knew I had a credit card payment due about a week later and not knowing how long it would take to get all the bullshit at the bank straighted out, I call my credit card company to ask them what code to use to send them a payment via Western Union. I figured hell I'll pay the 4 bucks to send it just to make sure it gets there on time.

Well that's when I about blew a gasket....seems that my credit card company would gladly accept my Western Union Payment for an additonal payment of 14.95...wait let me get this straight assholes, you want to charge me another $15 bucks for the priviledge of paying you on my account? Are you out of your FUCKING MINDS!

Who the hell would agree to that and where do you assholes get off even thinking you could get away with charging your customers to make a payment ON TIME to their account. See this is why the banking industry needs to be reformed, you are ripping off hard working folks who want to pay their bills and you have no bones trying to gouge people. Seriously I think there is a special place in hell for you assholes.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Walking on Eggshells

I am fed up. Fed up of second guessing, of walking on eggshells for supposed friends, of censoring my thoughts in case it might offend the easily offended, of not being true to myself because they are afraid to lose control over me, and holding back for the sake of others who are faint of heart. You can't please everyone, isn't that how the saying goes?

To have a blog and to have such personal thoughts out there for anyone to see. Why?

I believe in the beauty in life. At its happiest and darkness moments. "It's such a mysterious place, the land of tears." One that we rarely get a glimpse of and if we are lucky enough to, those who can appreciate it will see the power in such raw emotions, unfiltered. I believe that life isn't just captured on a movie screen, after being carefully edited and airbrushed. It is made more real by those courageous enough to bare their souls, to let the world see that 'here, this is it, and there is nothing to be ashamed of.' Nothing to be embarrassed about in sadness, simple joy, quandary, or misdirection. 

Mistakes will always be made. They are an essential part of growing. But to hide them and tuck them away like it is something wrong is such a shame. To acknowledge them is so much more empowering, so much more graceful. I think art imitates life.

I think the biggest weakness in man is pride and our greatest strenght is honesty.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Just when I thought it couldn't get worse......double Ugh!

Just as I finished telling you what a shitty weekend I'm having my dog decides that it's a good night to be high mainaince.....that's right I've been cleaning up dog puke piles for the past 45 minutes...and it's not like you can do anything to stop a dog from puking it's guts out.....just gotta let it ride as disgusting as it is. I do have to give the little shit some credit she only got it on the rug once, of course it was the biggest pile but at least she showed some mercy on me and did the rest of the piles in the kitchen...and the mud room, and her cage....all cleanable surfaces....then finally going outside to finish in the pouring rain......yeah Fuck my life again. Spoke too soon, here we go again