Thursday, May 28, 2009

One of a 101 Things To Do When You Are Bored

So I was going through my emails the other day and instead of opening each one individually I decided to use the “next” button that automatically opens the message and then allows you to assign it as spam if needed. So as I tried to exit one particular message a “chat window” popped up of course trying to sell me a product….Well at the time I was a tad bit bored, and well when Kat is bored her evil side tends to rear its ugly head as she fucks with the minds of internet marketers named Kelly……………

Kelly Says: Wait! Don’t Leave! My name is Kelly and I have just been authorized to give you a CHAT ONLY DISCOUNT!

CLICK HERE now to get $0.99 SHIPPING!

Kelly Says: Just type 'HI' or 'Hello' in the space below to let me know you are there.

Kelly Says: Anyone with a computer and basic typing skills can Earn up to $943 Per Day!

You: Wow dats some real dough, How do I get in on this nifty scam???

Kelly Says: No, this is not a scam! We are so confident that this will help you make money that we are offering a 100% satisfaction guarantee!

You: really? Tell Me More > insert eye rolling

Kelly Says: This amazing offer is only available through this chat and for a limited time. CLICK HERE to take advantage of this deal.

You: hummmm it's such a tempting offer Kelly tell me more

Kelly Says: Remember, this offer for Chat Only Discount is available for a limited time only. It may not be available tomorrow. CLICK HERE to take advantage of this $0.99 Shipping Offer now.

You: That’s funny I see you’ve sent me the same email for ten days straight, seems to me the odds are it will be available from now to eternity!

Kelly Says: Okay great. CLICK HERE and fill out the page in order to take advantage of this great offer.

You: Seriously are you even reading what I am typing ? You are a bot kelly

Kelly Says: My name is Kelly and I'm a live virtual agent.

You: Don’t you mean virtually live?

Kelly Says: I am sorry, but I only have limited information. For more questions or information, please email us at to contact customer service.

You: How do i get your job Kelly, seems so simple even a monkey could do it….

Kelly Says: You will get Real, Live support to answer any question and help you every step of the way! CLICK HERE now and get your kit for just $0.99 Shipping!

You: Why don’t you just round it up to a dollar I hate odd numbers Kelly.

Kelly Says: Our fine-tuned, proprietary software is 100% Guaranteed!

You: Guarantee me to be out a whole buck? Hell I could get two soft taco’s for that buck.

Kelly Says: You will have exclusive access to professionals, tips, tricks, and videos with insider information!

You: Ok You are totally boring me with all this tips, tricks and video nonsense...wait that just sounded like something a pimp would say…Anyway, Do you have a boyfriend Kelly?

Kelly Says: I'm sorry, but I only have limited information on our products, and the ability to offer you this discount. For more questions or information, please email us at to contact customer service.

You: lol, so do you like it rough?, just wondering

Kelly Says: For more questions or information, please email us at to contact customer service.

You: customer service can tell me if you like it rough? Is that how you got this super terrific job, give a few knob jobs during the interview??

Kelly Says: For more questions or information, please email us at to contact customer service.

You: Isn't this your job to answer my question , hell if you want my 99 cents you gotta earn it, times are rough Kelly

Kelly Says: For more questions or information, please email us at to contact customer service.

You: kelly you aren't doing a good job of convincing me that you are not a bot, try harder

You: helllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllo

You: geezze customer service isn't what it used to be, stupid bots

Kelly Says: OK to end the CHAT simply CLICK on the "X" in the upper right.

You: No i am having too much fun

Kelly Says: OK, Thank you for your time. To end the CHAT simply CLICK on the "X" in upper right.

You: You can’t make me Robot Kelly

Kelly Says: Fantastic Click the link to order for only 99 cents.

You: What are you FUCKING Kidding ME!

Kelly Says: Your chat has been disconnected…………..

You: joy killer…….. just when it was getting good

Ok I am still convinced she was a bot….a bot that doesn’t like the F-bomb and may or may not like it rough….my money is that she does though…..

Thanks for the blog Fodder Kelly.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Simply Amazing

Sometimes I think that Fly can take my emotions and translate them into a wonderful, talented writer some kudos.........check him out... simply amazing

"...looking back"
All that is left is the echo,
the hollow shell of a past life I once followed.
All I have is darkness to drink
and sorrow to wallow in.
Now at my end I am gone, forever losing my view and sight,
forever in time but now nothing is left
but the looming regret
as it echoes continuously
throughout my head.
-Armando Torres

Friday, May 22, 2009


So I haven't posted for awhile, not that I don't have tons of material just that time of year where all these loose ends have to be wrapped up at work.....This economy sucks here in the ghetto and with a sucky economy comes budget cuts.

Seems I am low sp-ed teacher in the building and I got bumped out of my job, now I still have a job, it's just that I have to move to the high school next year....yeah I know more blog fodder! That's a given for sure.

The only issue I have.....I have to deal with not only the punks I have this year again, but all the wankers I've taught for the PAST 3 years....Seriously people I look forward to last day of school when I say my tearful goodbyes and proclaim my freedom.
In truth I am rejoicing that my sentence in hell with these kids is done, but nooooooooo now I have to follow them all through high school. Look I know God's got a sense of humor but COME ON ALREADY!!! Just shoot me now.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Well lookie lookie

Ran across this written about me....

"a fellow blogger, who’s site I follow daily like the police behind a car full of Mexicans"

How could I possibly not be flattered? Thanks know who, I appreciate it!

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Stop Passing Notes

I have this student whom I call Jethro, basically he's a complete pain the ass emotionally impaired kid who is completely too comfortable in my presence. Anyway typically his permanent seat in my class is out in the hallway. Not completely my doing, it's what we call his "safe" place where he won't be compelled to either kill another student or myself.

Anyway one day last week I had an abundance of kids either absent or spreading their joy with the social worker for the hour and in a rare instance I only had six kids in class last hour, one of them being Jethro.

Of course he can't be quiet and work with out bothering everyone within a 20 foot radius of him so I wrote a note to him in an attempt to get him to be quiet. He of course responded pushing his response back to me across the desk. So I made a deal with him, he could stay in my class as long as he didn't talk and only wrote down what he wanted to say. The conversation that transpired follows....if anything it's entertaining to say the least.......... my responses are in italics

Teacher: Close Your Mouth
Student: How about you!
I don’t have to.
Well Last time I checked I am white and a U.S. Citizen.
So That means you don’t have to listen to me, humm
Your mad because I am hott and your not!
Seriously you are delusional, Oh please, you are so misguided.
I branded my butt
What does this have to do with anything?
It’s sweet and my butt huts so I can’t stop thinking about it and I made 20 bucks.

Someone paid you for your stupidity, wow aren’t you the man.
Ya, I am the man but I owed him $10 so…
Ten buck profit for permanently disfiguring yourself ---sweet!
So I’ll have a penis on my butt forever.
Like I said ---stupid is as stupd does.
Your stupid because you spelled it wrong.
I was distracted with all these other punks…and it’s You’RE not your

Do you wanna take this outside?
Is that a threat, sure I’ll take one for the team.
I took one for the team
And you will forever remember it.
I’ll forever remember the day I wrote notes with the teach.

So are you going to take your history test now?
Are you going to shut up about it now?
There's my answer then.
You are a complete pain
I am in pain.
Well that’s what you get for branding a penis on your butt. That’s your fault.
No you put me threw it.
You are insane, your stupidity is your own fault.
Maybe if you did you’re job right I wouldn’t be so dumb.

I didn’t do the damage, not my fault and you aren’t dumb about school just your choices, and it's Your not You're
Good Point
I win!
In my heart your a complete loser
Wow Thanks , if insulting people were a job you’d be a millionaire.
That’s how I roll big pimp
You are a hater
What ever, I'm just stating
I am going to go now , Love you teach
I love when the bell rings, later

I seriously think I need a reality show because I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.