It overcomes me at times, sometimes it’s a low familiarity, a smell, a song, a phrase. A memory that slowly creeps into the frontal lobe of my brain. Other times it’s a rush of emotions that wash over my very being, sending a wave of emotions that punches me straight in the gut, taking my breath away...tears welling, overflowing with the flood of sweet nostalgia.
The smell of fresh clean laundry…lavender and roses….the soft pile of the blanket trimmed with satin… cool to the touch…wrapped in warmth. Safe and secure…would it be untrue to say I remember the feeling of being swaddled, and that I long for that feeling just one more time.
Alas the memory is fleeting and moves from safety to uncertainty........this memory morphs into another time, another place….another emotion….no longer surrounded by safety….the feeling of losing something precious, never to be reclaimed. Stolen, ripped from my very soul.
Everything is now a blur….thoughts, emotions, feelings swirling around in my head all fighting for attention, demanding my acknowledgment, screaming to be heard. I can’t remember the time and place of that one distinctive event that changed me forever….but that does not mean it didn't occur…it did. That day every cell in my body was turned inside out and manipulated as every last drop of innocence was drained from my being........Today I choose to remember the sweet smell of lavender and the soft slippery feel of satin.......today I choose to remember my innocence.