Merry Stinky Christmas

I've always got thee running monologues going on in my head especially when I'm waiting in line at the store. Yesterday was no exception......Being the dumb ass I am I had to get the last of my shopping done, so I place that last item into my cart and head to the check out. Of course like any retailer at Christmas time there are always too many people in line and not enough cashiers...so I wait.

Just as I hit the 10 minute wait time, I start to smell something a little odoriferous. Within seconds my brain registers that skanky smell and I'm overwhelmed by it's putrid aroma. Is that me?....Considering I haven't taken a shit nor farted in the past 10 hours it sure as hell wasn't me.

Reluctantly taking another whiff I figure out the smell is coming somewhere in front of me....that's when I see the possible master of funk in front of me in one of those motorized scooter carts. Just when I was giving the old man the benefit of the doubt all bets were off when I noticed as he bent forward to unload his basket that he had some Hershey squirt-age coming out the back of his depends.

What the fuck, dude shit himself while riding around Walmart and just sat in that shit an stunk up the whole joint for the rest of us. Seriously I'm beginning to gag...where the hell is is the fabreeze when you need it....hell there's always fabreeze at the check out, or at least those pine tree air fresheners you hang in the car, I could just wear the thing around my neck till I get out of this stink hole...WHERE the Fuck is the Fabreeze!!!!!!!!!!! Ughhhhhhhhhh!!!

Needless to say there was none to be found and I had to suffer through that retched stink but at least I didn't have to detoxify that scooter....Merry stinky Christmas you poor bastard! HAH! Oh and people if I ever get to the point where I am riding around walmart in a scooter with a diaper full of shit....just ride me out back and shoot me on site.