Thursday, October 1, 2009

De Javue

My mind tells me I'm teaching high school, but I could swear I'm still stuck in Middle School purgatory. Why? Because I'm teaching all of the most memorable wankers I have had for the past two years. That's right my sentence in hell with these kids has been extended another year.

So If you're new 'round here, let me introduce you to the cast of characters whose antics past and present will fill my blog the next 9 months.

Now I never refer to my students by their real name here, are you kidding I'm not tarded. This blog is on the down low and I am sure that my administration would not appreciate my warped sense of humor when it comes to my students.

So with that said let me introduce you to the cast of wankers...get your pencils ready kiddies.

First up there is "Flying Butt Monkey Boy" BMB for short. A young man completely in denial as to his homosexuality and feminine side. He's most well known to my readers for his occasional instances of clarity in which his sponge of brain seeks to acquire knowledge and obtain wisdom by asking me such pressing questions such as "Do Chicken's have vaginas?" What can I say he's such an inquiring mind, a definite Renaissance man, yeah I think I'll just take the cyanide pill now thank you.

Next up is Grannimal Boy. A socially retared student whose mother can't cut the umbilical cord. I swear she still breast feeds him. I call him granimal boy because he always wears these matching track suits ever day. You know the kind most boy's quit wearing by 1st grade because they know who ridiculious they look. He spends all day calling the lunch ladies, and anyone within 5 feet of him a mother fucker, I can't blame him though cuz well you know he's gotta go home to Mommy Dearest everyday he's gotta take his frustrations out on someone right?

BBQ- can't take credit for this one, it's actually a self selected nickname which will come in handy when he moves into the big house. He's best know for his rap sheet that includes petty theft, and possession and attempt to dispense his ADD Meds. Now if I could just get him to take those meds instead of trying to sell them for Fry money.

Jimmy Whinercroft, yep he's back and whinining again, and of course telling me to take my anti-bitch meds. But here's the kicker I have his equally annoying and socially dysfunctional brother. Yippee

Bi Polar Betty, she earned her name due to the fact you know from one minute to the next what personality is going to emerge. She either wants to shank you in the eyeball one minute or is your best buddy the next. Needless to say I'm carrying a crucifix at all time to ward off her bad voodoo.

The Anti-Christ, Yeah my regular readers know him as the student who was led away in a straight jacket for an involuntary psych hold at the end of the school year. Not sure how long I'll be graced with his lovely personality, given his latest antics of pitching a fit when he didn't get his way, and stripping sown naked in the middle of the street at the trailer park. But I'm told not to worry...much.. cuz well his meds are working so much better now. Yeah I think I'm going to add a can of mace to my self defense arsenal just in case.

Last but not least, Stalker girl, yes she was a late addition to the fold but what can I say when she heard I was moving to the high school she just had to move back into the district. She's best known for her obsession with finding out where I live, obtaining my home phone number and well every last personal aspect of my life. She's been known to write me endless love letters and proclaim her devotion and undying love for me in front of the entire student population. Probably most disturbing is her habit of hiding under my desk, which is complete creepy and a bit psycho If you know what I mean. Needless to say I check my back seat everyday when I leave work.

Yes kicking off another memorable year where I try not to become completely jadded by the end of the first marking period....wish me luck and light a candle and say a prayer for my safety and sanity. Kat Out


  1. Honey I'm definitely saying a prayer for you. Sounds like you hit the crazy jackpot this year.

  2. Whoa this sounds like something out of a movie =_=

  3. @ Peach , lol the funny thing is I feel like I am in that Movie Groundhogs Day....these are the same kids I have had the past 2 years, it's like the same thing just keeps happening every day lol, oh and I will take the prayers!

  4. @ Jazzy I have always said I need to have a reality show lol

  5. As a former education reporter, I can totally see the kids you're talking about. This is some funny shit.

  6. Your post is definitively a sociological study of that community.